“The crowd is not outside of us, but within us, with a multitude of thoughts, inclinations, feelings, worries, and interests. All this means dispersion for the soul; the soul is impeded from finding God. For as long as the thoughts of man are not of God, man remains scattered. His thoughts are scattered because of the various types of news he listens to, out of the desire to know: via the paper, the radio, the TV… Man has his mind on one thing or another, but there is no real core to his inner life, and no real goal for his intellectual activities. What is the remedy? Without doubt, prayer; and inner silence which is already obtained through prayer. A person used to contemplation sees everything in the light of God. Many people (including men of the Church) see things only in the light of success and efficiency. " Fr. Divo Barsotti
My Lenten practice this year was a Fast of Silence. I didn't plan that of course. It just came about. I had watched a terrific documentary called the Big Silence and I did some more researching and playing with The Google and found the article where the above quote comes from. Just so we are all clear here.. I am a word person.. writing, talking, quotes, reading.. God's Word, Tolkein's, Rowling's, etc.... words. So, although silence and I amuse each other, we aren't good friends. About 10 years ago I began to teach myself how to meditate ... it was very difficult for me. And it still is a struggle, to find time, to quiet my thinking, to just be still... and I'm discovering that more and more this practice is vital for all areas of my life not just my growing faith and relationship with God. So... I began my practice of Silence.
I spent the first week figuring out what it needed to be and what, in all reality, it couldn't be. My work requires communication. Sometimes lots of it. I'm a single mom and communication with my son is fairly important as well.. ;/ So I had to become choosey and intentional. What needed to be said?... What was being said?... How did I need to respond?... Did I really need to respond?... and so forth. The first thing I learned was that I say a lot of things that don't need to be said. Superfluous. The word.. is ... superfluous. It's also fun to say. And with all things God, prayer was central. When one isn't speaking superfluously, one has nothing to do but listen. To God and others.
"It is only in identifying with Christ, it is only by plunging into the great silence of God within myself, that I can love and identify with others. It is by listening to the great silence of God, and having this strange, passive dialogue in which I become aware of the silence which is the speech of God--it is only by listening to this that I am able to speak to my brother. It is only by listening to this silence that I can acquire the ingenuity of love, the delicacy of Christ in my human relationships. In this silence I become identified with Christ, I acquire a listening heart." ~ Catherine de Hueck Doherty
My prayer time was less wordy and felt deeper... more still. The days were spent in a rhythm of conversation and waiting for a response from God instead of praying (saying stuff to God) and jumping up thinking it was all settled. But the listening for a response, the waiting for God gradually began to feel like a sacred gift ... life seemed to take on a sense of holy listening... About 8 days into this... I found myself overcome by the silence and I had to turn on the Weather Channel. Sometimes the computer was the villain ... it never lasted for long. I found that the desire, the yearning for that listening was contagious... addictive... it was beautiful. As Lent progressed, as I waited with God, like lovers who don't need to speak while in each other's company... and... as my innate interests in all things meteorological and political erupted into binges of distraction... I learned that the inner quiet, stillness, silence remained even in the midst of noisiness and distraction, it lingered in the quiet place inside my mind. Sometimes I freaked myself out by my own thinking.. feeling like I had 'ruined it!' because I could sense that my thinking was becoming voluminous, taking me places that were unnecessary, circular, contentious, distracting... but with an intentional simple breath, a simple pause... my thinking would give way to the still innerness.
The first words I saw that morning after Easter... was the quote below.
"Silence is something that comes from your heart, not from outside. Silence doesn’t mean not talking and not doing things; it means that you are not disturbed inside. If you’re truly silent, then no matter what situation you find yourself in you can enjoy the silence. —Thich Nhat Hanh
and with that - the fast was over. My prayer is now to understand this experience. Let's listen....
solo deo Gloria
