I'm not a big fan of the conspiratorial apocalyptic nonsense that overwhelms some churches, sites, and whatnot... since Jesus tells us we won't know ... but there is a passage that speaks not of signs, militaristic, government and/or natural disasters... but of people .. of how people will behave..

2 Timothy 3:1-5 "You must understand this, that in the last days distressing times will come. For people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, brutes, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to the outward form of godliness but denying its power. Avoid them!"

Since it appears that avoiding people like described above is increasingly difficult it makes community that much more important. Online communities, neighborhoods, local, state, ... But living and growing within a community is often difficult. Where we are forced to interact with family (or not), communities are by intention and choice. Same dysfunctions can be seen in both family and community dynamics as well as amazing support and love.

Our goal is to create a beloved community and
this will require a qualitative change in our souls
as well as a quantitative change in our lives.
~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The Agitated Cow

Abraham Maslow said in 1966,

 "I suppose it is tempting,

if the only tool you have is a hammer,

to treat everything as if it were a nail."

I wanted to support the people/church I care about so I participated in a 6 hour long ‘Healthy Congregation’ workshop. We’re experiencing natural changes within our church due to our Pastor retiring. There have been some problems so the thought and hope to reduce issues, conflict, and tension was to invite a Pastor trained in leading Healthy Congregation seminars to our church. 

Well, Pastor Bill brought out his easel.

He presented such a ridiculously poor yet, charming example of non-drawing ability that I was immediately engaged. He ‘illustrated’ an energy field to discuss the larger concept of energy systems. He started with a drawing something like this:

This is a field with cows represented artfully as brown circles. (Pastor Bill chose dots, it was an edgy but effective choice) Now, Pastor Bill explained, imagine if one of the cows got too close to the black fence that is electrified. The red circle cow would get a quick and significant jolt. The red circle that is the electrifyingly jolted cow would react and the rest of the brown circle cows would respond to the red circle cow’s reaction to being electrically jolted and agitated.

Hence, Pastor Bill called the red cow, ‘The Agitated Cow’.

Here’s when I got stuck in my inner amusement. I was so internally delighted by the words, agitated cow, as well as the sheer volume of images that sprang into my mind that I chortled inwardly for quite a while. Thankfully, I had a friend who knows of my ‘condition’ sitting next to me so that I could share a little of my inner amusement. (I think I could have easily exploded).

In 20 years of working with at-risk children and their families, in school systems, non-profits, counseling/intervention services, with children and adults with mental illnesses, I am consistently in an agitated energy field somewhere. So, this information wasn’t new, but boy howdy it was delightful.

How many times did I myself, represent that agitated cow in the flow of images? Many times. And those that have agitated my field were also part of that inner flipbook of mental pictures.

This naturally led me to the peak of my funny,  the need for name tags reading,

 “The role of agitated cow will now be played by……” 

In fact, a t-shirt reading, ‘Agitated Cow’ is now a must-make for myself.

 I would have no shame in wearing such a shirt because it represents the base truth of who we are. We are a system of relationships. We are an interwoven connection of energy. What we allow to happen within us will be what happens to others around us.

It seems that quite a lot of us don’t have the right tools and/or skills to manage, absorb, be aware of, process, etc… conflict, agitation, frustration, fear, blame, anger, and offense. The list is as long as we are in population. We will be agitated. Some people are not aware of it, some people only know how to spread it, some people try to manage it but make it worse for themselves and everyone else, simply put, we don’t have enough of the right tools and the master tool users are too few.

 

 Matthew 9:35-38 “Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and curing every disease and every sickness.  When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.  Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Luke 10:1-5 “After this the Lord appointed seventy others and sent them on ahead of him in pairs to every town and place where he himself intended to go.  He said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.  Go on your way. See, I am sending you out like lambs into the midst of wolves.  Carry no purse, no bag, no sandals; and greet no one on the road.  Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this house!’”

 I was going to just include the ‘harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few’ part of the scripture but both of these examples are different in such subtle ways that… I had to post both. And now I'm going to go and chew on these words… like a cow eating it’s cud…

 

 

A Metaphor of Grace

Sparkling, endless, enchanting ..woo’ed…

Jump into the Deep that calls.

There is no other choice.

 Masks frantically forsaken, status can't save;

 False weights get released;

There is no survival in the Deep with such ludicrous trappings.

Head bobs to the surface, breathe deeply this unencumbered reality.

There is no rescue boat.

Slowly thoughts bubble up from the interior.

Fears. Sharks. Thirst. Hunger. Drowning. The dark depths.

Pride. Humiliation. Stupidity. Condemnation. Helplessness.

Helplessness.

Helplessness.

Acceptance.

Surrender.

First kiss of the Beloved.

 

 

In Silence

 

  

“The crowd is not outside of us, but within us, with a multitude of thoughts, inclinations, feelings, worries, and interests. All this means dispersion for the soul; the soul is impeded from finding God. For as long as the thoughts of man are not of God, man remains scattered. His thoughts are scattered because of the various types of news he listens to, out of the desire to know: via the paper, the radio, the TV… Man has his mind on one thing or another, but there is no real core to his inner life, and no real goal for his intellectual activities. What is the remedy? Without doubt, prayer; and inner silence which is already obtained through prayer. A person used to contemplation sees everything in the light of God. Many people (including men of the Church) see things only in the light of success and efficiency. " Fr. Divo Barsotti

My Lenten practice this year was a Fast of Silence. I didn't plan that of course. It just came about. I had watched a terrific documentary called the  Big Silence and I did some more researching and playing with The Google and found the article where the above quote comes from. Just so we are all clear here.. I am a word person.. writing, talking, quotes, reading.. God's Word, Tolkein's, Rowling's, etc.... words. So, although silence and I amuse each other, we aren't good friends. About 10 years ago I began to teach myself how to meditate ... it was very difficult for me. And it still is a struggle, to find time, to quiet my thinking, to just be still... and I'm discovering that more and more this practice is vital for all areas of my life not just my growing faith and relationship with God.  So... I began my practice of Silence.

I spent the first week figuring out what it needed to be and what, in all reality, it couldn't be. My work requires communication. Sometimes lots of it. I'm a single mom and communication with my son is fairly important as well.. ;/ So I had to become choosey and intentional. What needed to be said?... What was being said?... How did I need to respond?... Did I really need to respond?... and so forth. The first thing I learned was that I say a lot of things that don't need to be said. Superfluous. The word.. is ... superfluous. It's also fun to say. And with all things God, prayer was central. When one isn't speaking superfluously, one has nothing to do but listen. To God and others.

 

"It is only in identifying with Christ, it is only by plunging into the great silence of God within myself, that I can love and identify with others. It is by listening to the great silence of God, and having this strange, passive dialogue in which I become aware of the silence which is the speech of God--it is only by listening to this that I am able to speak to my brother. It is only by listening to this silence that I can acquire the ingenuity of love, the delicacy of Christ in my human relationships. In this silence I become identified with Christ, I acquire a listening heart." ~ Catherine de Hueck Doherty

My prayer time was less wordy and felt deeper... more still. The days were spent in a rhythm of conversation and waiting for a response from God instead of praying (saying stuff to God) and jumping up thinking it was all settled. But the listening for a response, the waiting for God gradually began to feel like a sacred gift ... life seemed to take on a sense of holy listening...  About 8 days into this... I found myself overcome by the silence and I had to turn on the Weather Channel. Sometimes the computer was the villain ...  it never lasted for long. I found that the desire, the yearning for that listening was contagious... addictive... it was beautiful. As Lent progressed, as I waited with God, like lovers who don't need to speak while in each other's company... and... as my innate interests in all things meteorological and political erupted into binges of distraction... I learned that the inner quiet, stillness, silence remained even in the midst of noisiness and distraction, it lingered in the quiet place inside my mind.  Sometimes I freaked myself out by my own thinking.. feeling like  I had 'ruined it!' because I could sense that my thinking was becoming voluminous, taking me places that were unnecessary, circular, contentious, distracting... but with an intentional simple breath, a simple pause...  my thinking would give way to the still innerness.

 The first words I saw that morning after Easter... was the quote below.

"Silence is something that comes from your heart, not from outside. Silence doesn’t mean not talking and not doing things; it means that you are not disturbed inside. If you’re truly silent, then no matter what situation you find yourself in you can enjoy the silence. —Thich Nhat Hanh

 

and with that - the fast was over. My prayer is now to understand this experience. Let's listen....

solo deo Gloria

 

In Honor

 

Little Brother

July 2001 - January 2013

 

There are loved pets and then there are family members. Little Brother was one of those souls that was absolutely a gift to my son and I. I have almost as many precious stories of Little Brother

and his ornery, sweet, quirkiness as I have of my son for the same time frame.

Thank you Little Brother.

Thank you God.

 

 

Visits

There is a quietness that seems to flutter into my life at times.

Unbidden yet always a gift.

 It's at those times, that I can imagine being filled up.

Like a dried sponge in a deep pool of water.

This quiet filling, this peaceful refreshment has never happened when I have hoped.

It makes those first few days afterwards difficult as I'm so reluctant to pour it out... and well...

 there is simply no other way.

And when the house is quiet and the dishes are done and my soul snuggles up with the peace...

I am reminded, there is enough.

Always.

 

The Fulcrum

 

 

I have, probably like you, read and heard much of a notion called balance. Living in balance, being in balance... all things, people, situations, circumstances, consequences, in an equal portion of time, energy, focus, intention... blah blah.. for me it was always a concept, certainly not a real way of living.. a concept to use like a tool to see where the distracting, time-sucking, most likely not healthy spots in my life are/were. 

 

In the book by Dr. M. Scott Peck, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace,  Scott Peck made the point that the truth always has a paradoxical quality to it. That deep truth is found in the both/and, in the paradox, in it. One side or the other offers you an easy answer... but not the whole truth. So for several years this understanding has been working in my thoughts... in the way I see things, shifting around ideas and keeping me from making some quick judgements and assumptions.

 

Now I will tell you, it's a terrible conversation to have with other people. I have never been able to provide much explanation of what I'm talking about. It's abstract. And seems to unhinge things and notions we thought we had nailed down. You may be better at it. Richard Rohr speak about thesis, antithesis, and synthesis... I think he was quoting someone else, but I heard in Rohr's  remarks the same concept of Fullness. Truth.

 

The Fullness of God.

Alpha and the Omega.

 Now and Not Yet.

Life and Death.

 

In the illusion of my own cleverness, I used to tell people that I was a 'walking dichotomy'. But I realize now it was a fool accidentally speaking Truth. (which amuses me too)

In me, and you too, dwells both light and dark. Both good and evil. We are both sinner and saint. We are both worthy and unworthy.

 

We are at all times, balanced, in the both/and.